“I was ecstatic to have this beautiful being as my son!! “
Isaac Julian Kaaen Dee, Trisomy 13, 1/8/15 – 1/22/15, McCall, ID
I have wanted to be a mom my whole life. After several tries and a miscarriage, we discovered we were pregnant again in June. Our baby was conceived on Mother’s Day 2014 (using a donor) and were ecstatic! It seemed it was meant to be. Every early ultrasound showed a very active fetus! It was so amazing each time to get to see our baby!
At our 13 week appointment, our dr. suggested getting a Harmony test to test for genetic problems since I was now 40. Initially I didn’t want to do it, but thinking of an uncle I had never met who died as an infant due to a heart defect, we decided it might give us peace of mind. Plus, we could find out early the sex of our baby! After a long 2 week wait, we still hadn’t heard, so I called the clinic. We found out we were having a baby boy! Then shocked to discover that they had found evidence showing trisomy 13.
Of course we knew nothing so we began to research immediately. We went in a few days later for an amniocentesis. Our worst fears were realized. Our baby boy had Full Trisomy 13. Many tears were cried as we had by then learned a few things and the odds of surviving birth were not good. We both decided there was no way we could terminate. We will love him for as long as we can on earth. Luckily we had already decided on a Doula, and she was amazing. We discussed ways to celebrate our son right now. It is hard to think about, and we take it day by day, hour by hour.
We did 2 belly casts, got a 4D ultrasound done so we had more pictures, read him stories, got a stuffed monkey at Build-a-Bear and had a recording of his heartbeat put in it… All the things we could think of to celebrate him. I even climbed an apple tree, because that is something a little boy would do, and he may never be able to.
In my 36th week I woke in the night with contractions. By 3 am, I was sure that is what they were and called our doula. I labored at home until the contractions were just a few minutes apart and then we drove to the hospital. I had hoped to be able to labor with no drugs, as I wanted to experience all of it! Luckily I did and everything went smoothly. Our son Isaac was born into this world at 6:58 pm on January 8th. He was early, but you never would have known it from the sound of him!! I was sooo excited that he was crying and alive!! I was in shock and awe!! All the staff were in shock as well! They didn’t know what to do and I had to ask them to suction his little nose and mouth. They immediately went to work figuring out how I could feed him. I remember noticing his cleft lip for about 1 minute…and it didn’t matter. He was alive and beautiful. I was ecstatic to have this beautiful being as my son!! We got to be his parents for 13 days. His one issue that we could see was bilirubin, (jaundice) and we had to have him under a special light for 4 days. I hated it because it took away time that we could have been holding him, but he eventually got better. Family and friends got to hold him, and all the nurses at the hospital and our dr. fell in love with him too. On the evening of the 22nd, I was holding him and getting ready to feed him when he just took a breath and then stopped breathing. He never took another breath despite all our efforts and the hospitals.
He was buried on his actual due date: February 3rd. We will forever miss his cries, his coo’s, his smiles, his squirming strong little body wriggling in our arms, feeding him and changing his diapers and a million other things. We love you forever and always Isaac Julian Kaaen Dee..